It’s unlikely that The Portable Door would have thrived in the absence of Harry Potter, but the fact that it seems so derivative isn’t helping the film’s cause. What’s the film about? A nerdy young English noob discovering magic, a magic universe, and his role within it. Does he fly around on a broomstick? No. However, he’s old enough to fall in love, which is the equivalent of flying around on a magical broomstick if you’re older than 12.
Paul Carpenter (Patrick Gibson) needs a job. He lives in a London flat that he cannot pay for and has an interview to be a barista, which, I’m sorry, but baristas are not paid well enough to have a formal interview process. This film must have been made at the height of COVID with all the maddening unemployment.
On the morning in question, everything goes wrong … or does it? Is it coincidence that Paul’s shoelaces break and he misses the bus, and he gets delayed by a “former teacher” and his belongings all have a mind of their own? The ask is relevant because while chasing down a runaway item, Paul discovers the rear entrance of J.W. Wells & Co., who just happen to be interviewing that very afternoon, and -for whatever reason- Paul is among their list of candidates. So in a ten-minute span, Paul goes from “I’ve missed my interview” to “I have a better job somewhere else.”
Well, golly, shouldn’t life always be like that? Hold up, is this a white privilege thing? Don’t answer that.
The mysterious J.W. Wells & Co. seems to have clientele and an unknown agenda, or at least no agenda Paul can decipher. Also, there seems to be a magical presence about. And why is everybody copiously avoiding that hole-punch? (Is it a hole-punch? Who knows? Imagine a standard 20th century office object – a stapler, a pen cup, a pencil sharpener- sitting in the middle of the floor and all the employees know to avoid it and
give it space. Yeah, something is going on there, huh?) Of all Paul’s bizarre new employment overlords, the two oddest are Christoph Waltz and Sam Neill, both of whom are clearly hiding secrets, but only Christoph is nice about it. It couldn’t be more obvious that both of these men are here because they -for whatever reason- missed out on Harry Potter. Doncha kinda feel sorry for them?
Initially, Paul is stuck in an attic with fellow new hiree, Sophie (Sophie Wilde). She’s going places. He’s not. However, after a time of doing nothing, Paul is given a task: locate The Portable Door, which is hiding somewhere in their labyrinthine office building. What is this door? Why does it move? How can one find it? Well, those are the mysteries the film has to offer. Are they good mysteries? Better than average, I think.
Nobody is going to mistake The Portable Door for great fantasy, and I think the film itself would be flattered to get mentioned in the same breath as Harry Potter, although that is clearly what in was angling for. I will say this: when the door is found, magic happens, and the film is delightful for at least the next fifteen minutes. That’s enough for me to recommend it. It is not enough for me to laud it.
There once lived a newbie name Paul
Who needed a job, y’all
So he went to the shop
He got there and *pop*
Employment chased him right through a wall
Not Rated, 116 Minutes
Director: Jeffrey Walker
Writer: Tom Holt, Leon Ford (Personally sharing a “shortest Anglo name” contest)
Genre: Nothing like Harry Potter. Not a thing. Why would you say that?
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who have been waiting desperately for another Harry Potter-like thing
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who haven’t
