Last summer, I went to the zoo in Rochester, NY. The place was closing up and I got to stay for about a half-hour. I saw more snow leopards in that time than I saw in Snow Leopard Sisters, a documentary entirely about searching for snow leopards in the wild.
Know this – in a documentary about snow leopards, you’re not gonna see any snow leopards. Not in the chosen documentary time-frame at least. Do I feel ripped off? You’re damn right I do. I can only imagine what it’s like to be in “snow leopard school.” This movie is like attending a basketball camp where there are no hoops, backboards, or courts …. Or basketballs.
Another important thing to note: snow leopards are dicks. Bloodthirsty dicks. Possibly the most asshole species you’ve ever seen. If the snow leopards are hungry and need to kill a goat, they will kill *every* goat and maybe eat one. Seriously. These guys treat their food supply like a cruel boy with a magnifying glass treats an anthill. Oh, but they’re so majestic and pretty against their snowy Himalayan background. That is if you can find them.
While the film didn’t find snow leopards, it found two women, snow leopard conservationalist Tshiring Lhamu Lama, and the teenager she’s trying to bribe into submission, Tenzin Bhuti Gurung. The latter just lost her sister to illness, her father to jail and her livelihood to the snow leopards who slaughtered every one of their 40 goats last night. Ms. Lama has come by to quell the anger. It looks like the coming-of-age Tenzin will likely to be sold off for marriage to keep she and the remainder of her kinfolk alive. But, hey, before that happens, why not attend snow leopard camp! Tenzin, you seem like a reasonable sap, er, girl! Come with me on a 15-day journey, and I’ll show you how to track snow leopards.
Will we see any?
Short answer, no. Long answer: Hell, no.
There are two huge assets Snow Leopard Sisters has: one is the slice-of-life minutiae of
what it’s like to be a native Himalayan. The other is the spectacular cinematography. There’s no denying either of these points. There’s no denying that once camp ends, Tenzin is fighting an uphill battle – no prospects, no money, no future. Well, maybe she can marry a snow leopard. If only the film could find one.
While the film definitely had the asset of uniqueness, it proved dull and stark. There just wasn’t much here. Snow Leopards Sisters is a film that makes me wonder if there’s anything the producers wouldn’t document. Leopard scat? Check. Random meals? Check. The endless monotony of waiting for a leopard to appear that never does? CHECK! At the start of the film, Tenzin’s “wise” patriarch notes that all hardships in life are due to sins in past lives. I’m wondering what past versions of me did to deserve this film? It couldn’t have been so bad – but it definitely wasn’t something good.
There once was a girl, Tenzin
Forced to compensate for her kin
She went searching for cats
The experience? Ersatz
For only stuffed versions shown where she had been
Not Rated, 95 Minutes
Director: Ben Ayers, Sonam Choekyi Lama, Andrew Lynch
Writer: Ben Ayers, Andrew Lynch
Genre: Things people do while waiting for a movie to break out
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who are pretending it wasn’t about the leopards
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “I came to see snow leopards!”
