I love that this is an animated feature-length film replete with people of color. I love that this film attempted to educate me on notable mathematicians and scientists largely ignored by the Western world. I love that Time Hoppers: The Silk Road is the first animated film made for and by Muslims released in a theater. Yay, more of all of that, please!
What I didn’t love? Pretty much everything else. And there’s a lot more “else.”
*sigh*
Why can’t breakthrough films be better, huh? This is how you get Brokeback Mountain to the Oscars. No, it wasn’t great, but LOOK AT HOW IMPORTANT IT IS!
Unfortunately, despite the milestones, Time Hoppers: The Silk Road is neither good, nor important. But it does exist, and I did see it, so I may as well get on with this.
Time Hoppers: The Silk Road takes is set in the Pacific NW of the year 2050. Time travel has just been invented, but isn’t terribly useful as of yet because the inventor can only send drones back. Within minutes, the plot of the film becomes: “Let’s send four 10-year-olds to correct historical errors.” Geez. Could you start with 2016?
If I’m being fair, the “2016” crack is no dumber than the actual premise. This film plays like stupid “Voyagers,” especially when the idiot kid loses his time-traveling medallion. There might be a price to pay for this time travel, but the animation is poor, so we will never know. We’re just happy that Muslim-America kids get to root for something, I guess. Although, this film feels painfully like learning.
Sorta.
You see, while chasing a bad guy, the kids meet a series of important historical figures:
In Baghdad 825 A.D., the kids find (“Weird”) Al-Khwarizmi, the mathematician father of Al Gebra. This is the man who taught the entire world how to complete the square just so literally billions of people in future generations could holler, “WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO NEED THIS?”
In Cairo 1000 A.D, the kids find Ibn al-Haytham, considered by some to be the founder 
of psychophysics and experimental psychology. If you’ve ever failed an ink blot test, blame Ibn al-Haytham (and Hermann Rorschach). [If you are ever reading my text, stop, and ask yourself, “Is he joking?” The answer is “Yes. I am joking.”]
In Aleppo 950 A.D., the kids find Mariam al-Asṭurlābiyya, inventor of the astrolabe and two-for-one astrolabe night at the theater.
Now, if these figures – or any of the kids for that matter— had a truly unique personality, the film was unable to convey such. Hence, I was kinda left with: Gee, Baghdad 825 looks a lot like Cairo 1000 looks a lot like Aleppo 950. But that’s ok. Seattle 2050 looked a lot like Vancouver 2050 as well. And glad to see we got our border issues solved by then, huh?
For a film aimed at kids and starring kids, I really didn’t think Time Hoppers: The Silk Road was much fun. I guess it’s a slight improvement from taking your kids to, say, David. Oh, who am I kidding? What kid doesn’t love an entire second half of “let’s resolve matters peacefully?” So, on its surface, while Time Hoppers doesn’t have music, at least it does have something happening. Is it something they cannot get from most any random TV show about active kids? I don’t think so.
Four kids from Vancouver 2050
Found that time travel was so nifty
In correcting the blast
The had quite a blast
But I bet they all missed Taylor Swifty
Not Rated, 80 Minutes
Director: Flordeliza Dayrit
Writer: Flordeliza Dayrit, Nuha Elalem, Sakina Fakhri
Genre: Movies made in the garage
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Muslim math nerds?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Plot enthusiasts
