Doncha just love MMA? It has allowed for a whole new array of athletic actors to get their butts kicked. Boxing requires a certain body type. Film boxing even more so. Do you look like a refrigerator? Super! Come be in my boxing movie. Aaaah, but MMA allows for spider people to show up. For instance, Daniel MacPherson is a triathlete. That takes a serious amount of commitment and talent. And yet, no one is going to confuse him with a boxer. But in the world of MMA on film, you can present him as a World Champion. And I know, cuz they did.
The problem is that Patton James (MacPherson) gained a title and lost his groove. Beast tells the tragic story of a man who would be king if not for a pesky bar fight. What did you do, kill a guy? Oh. Probably. Patton flattened the champ, Zavier Grau (Bren Foster) in six seconds (a new league record).
That fight is hyped, but didn’t make it to film.
Then Patton got in a bar fight and was sent away for many years. This is also not on film. And these events are spoken with regret but not remorse, which seems odd. You don’t get sent to prison for a decade without having hurt one or more people very badly. Patton spends a whole lot of time on film insisting he’s not a fighter, then insisting he is a fighter, trying to convince both he and the wife that he’s a changed man, but never once do we talk about the incident that essentially ended his fighting career. That’s a little odd, no?
This film is a little odd. It is very similar to the Russell Crowe (co-writer) boxing movie Cinderella Man, and Crowe is in this film as well, not as a fighter, but as a retired trainer … whereas Cinderella Man was a biopic, Beast is entirely fabricated. Should have stuck with the biopic, kids. For one thing, while Russell Crowe is extremely convincing as a man playing out his end days, there isn’t really a need for it and now I’m hoping he’ll get some help before we put him in hospice.
In short, MMA One Champion Xavier Grau is bored of the usual butt kickings and wants to avenge his only loss. But this means pulling Patton off the couch and out of retirement, which only happens because of 1) money, and then 2) Xavier putting the beat down on Patton’s brother Malon.
This formula has been done countless times since Rocky, and I cannot say this version
is any better. I suppose it’s newer, so there’s that. I don’t like films in which retired athletes make comebacks. They’re very popular on film, but in real life, the stories tend to be really sad. Generally, when an athlete loses it due to age, it doesn’t come back. And in sports where you can get hurt, you’re gonna get really hurt. So the film has a chore to convince me a 45-year-old man who hasn’t competed since his mid-30s can bring it against the World Champion. Life doesn’t work that way.
Now, assuming I believed that it could work this way, would I recommend Beast? Probably not. It’s a little too paint-by-numbers, and very, very light on strategy, like all you need to do to beat the best MMA fighter in the world in keep focus. That’s not how any of this works. In addition, I can’t say I loved any of the characters in the film, nor hated Xavier enough to need his ass to get beaten. If you’re into street fights and MMA, this might some appeal, otherwise, not so much.
There once was a fighter named Patton
Every ring opponent, he flatten
But he got sent away
With his skills in decay
Until his brother became potatoes au gratin
Rated R, 114 Minutes
Director: Tyler Atkins
Writer: David Frigerio, Russell Crowe
Genre: Testosterone
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Beasts
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Belles
