When I was a kid, I remember seeing a Frankie Valli concert on television. I have no idea how old he was or how much of his career was behind him at the time. What I remember mostly is Frankie Valli -for whatever I thought of him and whatever reason he did so- wanted to connect with, seemingly, every member of the audience he could. While he sang, he accepted gifts, flowers, kisses, probably underwear, and more than a few hotel room keys. He loved the adoration, but more than that -in my perception- he wanted to be part of that adoration.
This is the biggest impression I take from Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard and Soft. Whatever I think of Billie Eilish and her music, this is a person who has a concert to connect with her audience. She knows what it is to fangirl and she is only too happy to give it back. This is about the most generous thing I can say about any performer.
Ok, so let’s get to this blocky concert “co-directed” by Eilish herself and James Cameron. Yes, James Cameron. He took time from his busy work of filming the Avatar we’re still watching in theaters to film Billie all day. Strike one, Ms. Eilish. [Although, it certainly beats Brett Ratner.]
Hero to the LBTGQ community and undeniable pop sensation, the twenty-four year-old anti-diva is about a likable as performers get, imho. Perhaps it’s just the editing, but it’s hard to deny anybody that understands their fandom and wants to connect, constantly. Her stage is a rectangular monster smack dab in the middle of the arena, and she’s going to use all of it, gosh darnit, to stay close to every single person who showed up no matter where they sat. I get the distinct feeling that Billie would give each fan an individual concert if she could. Instead, she traipses, skips, hops, and gallivants all over the stage to make sure everybody has had her individual attention.
And then she gets tired. Who can blame her? On multiple occasions, Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O’Connell sings while literally lying down on the stage. I’m guessing this is intentional; Ms. Eilish is heavily involved in every aspect of her concert from her make-up to stage lighting. Well, she’d have to be, wouldn’t she? No PR rep would let her come out dressed in a 
custom basketball jersey, tacky mismatched knickers, fingerless gloves and a backwards baseball cap. Honestly? She looks like she’s prepared for a sport that hasn’t been invented yet.
While the woman isn’t synching a single note and also doing her own guitar and keyboard work from time-to-time, she would probably be horrified if presented with a Taylor Swift onesie or the thought of structured choreography like BTS. This works to a point. The Billie Eilish songs I know are sung so quietly, I thought she’d have trouble making herself heard. Oh, doncha worry; every.single.member of her packed arena knows all words to her songs. Occasionally, Billie needs quiet, like for a looped intro, which was a really cool moment of the artist layering her own voice in several rounds. I think you gotta be one Hell-of-a-talent to do that live. And after sitting for a moment, she’d get up and scream, “Wanna have some fun?” Right before crooning the most depressing song in her oeuvre.
I guess I don’t quite understand some people’s fun.
This concert struck me as a little overblown. I don’t really give a crap about Billie’s brother Phineas – a performer in his own right- who gets more screen time than anybody who isn’t Billie or James Cameron. And, woo, I’m truly happy to announce Billie Eilish is big into dog rescue. That’s wonderful. Good for you. Tell me, is she also into blood donation? Soup kitchens? Peace in the Middle East? I mean why stop at a puppy bowl? You want to sell the woman, sell the woman.
I cared enough about what I was watching to go learn more about Billie Eilish. I was far more struck by her energy than any particular visual, which is odd given that James chose to film this concert in 3D. Can’t say I’m all in on adding more Eilish to my personal repertoire, but she beats the Hell out of Megadeth.
♪So I’m a gruff frog
Performing a bluff frog
Just can’t rate enough frog
Charisma of a dead hog
I still can’t type
Hunt and peck with no hype
You won’t read this text like
Writing to myself, psych!
I’m a sad guy, duh♫
Rated PG-13, 114 Minutes
Director: James Cameron, Billie Eilish
Writer: Tarik Mikou, Billie Eilish
Genre: Concerts with connection
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Fans of Billie Eilish, duh
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who don’t like concerts
♪ Parody Inspired by “Bad Guy”
