Get this: There was a film just two years ago about an Indian kid named Mowgli being raised by wolves, a panther named Bagheera and an oversized bear named Baloo; what were the odds?
The Jungle Book is a Disney thing. Disney made an animated song-and-dance version in the 1970s and then remade the same thing in CGI two years ago. There was certainly room for improvement from the Disney versions, but I think you’ll find that once something has been a musical, it just isn’t as fun when it’s not; so unless Warner Bros. planned to write an entirely new score, this “new” version begs the question, “WHY?!” like few films before it.
And the logical follow-up is: “Why am I reviewing this?” Honestly, I don’t know. This is like when two Steve Prefontaine biopics came out in consecutive years. The biggest differences between Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle and The Jungle Book are 1) an even more English cast (as certainly Rudyard Kipling would have approved) and 2) No singing. So, essentially, they took the 2016 movie, lost the songs and translated the Disney epic from English into … more English. I’m sorry, why did you do this again? Never mind. Mowgli (Rohan Chand) is still raised by CGI wolves after his parents are slain on a jungle trek by yacht-sized tiger Shere Khan (voice of Benedict Cumberbatch). For all those who thought proportion sizes were a problem in the 2016 film, the Warner Bros. CGI team gave a collective “hold my beer.” Bagheera the panther (Christian Bale) is the size of a refrigerator. Later on, there’s an elephant so large it can actually scoop up Mowgli with its trunk from the bottom of a tiger pit. Do you have any idea how deep a tiger pit is? They’re built to trap tigers.
I suppose that’s not important. Nor is the fact that there are no song-and-dance numbers. What’s important here is that we teach a prepubescent child how to kill — and not only how to kill, but give him the desire to do so … often. Mowgli turns from “just trying to fit in” to the dark side over the course of 104 minutes. I suppose it is the “law of the jungle,” but when we get to the point where we’re teaching children about vengeance and slaying, I kinda wish the jungle had studied physics or dentistry instead of law.
The bright spot in Mowgli’s blood thirsty coming of age is the most resolute, “KHAAAAAN!!!!” since William Shatner in Star Trek II. It seems either strangely fitting or 100% stupid that this challenge was given to a creature voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch as Cumberbatch played the same Khan game in Star Trek: Into Darkness. Benedict, how many Khans are you planning to run in your screen career?
Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle will entertain children well enough, I suppose … especially young boys who already have a thing for weapons. Yet their parents will find this film completely unnecessary and a tad morbid. Personally, I can’t agree with the decision to make it in the first place.
♪Now here’s the thing about screeners and
Cinematography
Gotta be a script to make you flip
As far as I can see
You gotta cool plan, man-bruh
About The Jungle Book
I wanna get in that fast lane
I’m tired of bein’ a schnook
Oh, oobee doo
I wanna film just like you
I wanna Mowgli, true, big Baloo, too
You’ll see I’m blue, an exec like me
Can learn to turn one film in two♫
Rated PG-13, 104 Minutes
Director: Andy Serkis
Writer: Callie Kloves
Genre: Copycats in the wild
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Rudyard Kipling
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anyone who paid to see The Jungle Book
♪ Parody Inspired by “I Wanna Be Like You”
